I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
