You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
