There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I think I am morally bankrupt
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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