I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
you made out with another girl for some wings
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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