DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Semen is not good for contacts.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
