I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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