I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
