you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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