Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
