i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
