I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
