HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
