We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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