Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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