My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
