it wasn't lemon gatorade
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
my liver is dry heaving
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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