I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
