Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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