Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
