Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Buhtt sex?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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