im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
