I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
