fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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