whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
