Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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