Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
