Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
