don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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