my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
