Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
