just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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