I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
