I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
