you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
