I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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