i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
