'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
