me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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