That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
