sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
