so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
