My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
