Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
