Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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