you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
