I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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