Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
