Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
