A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
