he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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